why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You ruined the universe
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
