He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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