Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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