I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
