Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
