Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you traded sex for a burrito?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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