you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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