On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
