have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
