when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
