So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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