i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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