I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
