Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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