I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
