I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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