Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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