You're my little dorito
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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