I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
