i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
