I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
