ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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