y did u give ur computer a hand job?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
