She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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