R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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