She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
