How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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