you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
