so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
