girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
