he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
