Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We named our party play list daddy issues
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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