conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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