Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
