We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I need moral support for this bender
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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