Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
