We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
