Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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