She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
