I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
