You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I am midnight drunk by noon
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
