Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
