my vag is so smooth its legendary
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Can you bring me the toilet please
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
