Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
