Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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