Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
