Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
