Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
