I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
