Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
