toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
