Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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