I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
