I am full of burrito and curiosity
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
