you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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